I am frustrated to no end with I don't even know what. My children are making me INSANE today. It is TWO O'CLOCK in the afternoon and they're STILL NOT DONE WITH THEIR MORNING WORK. I'm not asking them to do ridiculous amounts of work. Just the basics. I let them take most of the day off yesterday for a really great outing. We had a wonderful, happy, all-is-right-with-the-world time. So why does today suck so greatly?
I'm tired of feeling guilty for everything I do and everything I don't do. I'm tired of never getting the house clean enough, of never being on top of anything, of trying to teach my children how to work and succeed in life. I want everyone to just leave me alone and let me sulk. Is that too much to ask?
The straw that broke the back today: So I've been trying to manage my massively negative feelings all day, trying to be supportive and yet firm about the expectations for today (which, oh-so-surprisingly are the SAME as every other summer day), and then I put the baby down for his nap. I had him skip the morning nap since he's been taking these stupid piddly 30 minute naps, so I thought if I held him off until the afternoon, he'd sleep longer. He woke up TEN MINUTES LATER. So I thought, I'll just let him cry, like at night. Yeah. Whatever. He screamed for thirty or forty minutes, so then I thought I'll take him into my bed and try to lay down with him to get him back to sleep. Which I was trying to do when child #2 COMES INTO MY BEDROOM AND WAKES HIM UP FULLY. At which point, the straw dropped onto my over-burdened back and lemme tell ya, the breaking wasn't pretty.
I'm a frustrated and angry mom. Venting helped a little, but not as much as I'd hoped. Arrgh. I guess I have to go apologize. But I'm not ready to. At least I did NOT throw the hand-painted plates off of the lunch table like I wanted to. Self-control. Maybe it's overrated.
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